Why You Can’t Love Yourself
We are born into the world needing a mother’s love to survive – entirely and totally dependant on love from another being to get through our early stages of development.
The child cannot tell the mother why he is crying. She has to figure it out and come up with the solution to the problem herself. There is no language the child can use to tell her, limited expressions to get the point across – the child is totally reliant on the love and understanding of a mother.
And then it hits.
The love was conditional – another sibling comes along and replaces you on the breast, or the mother gets frustrated and raises her voice, making the child feel worthless.
This is where the young developing ego gets it’s first sense of separation – that first sword that slices through the seeming unconditionality of love.
The ego’s nature is narcissistic, meaning it perceives itself as the centre of attention at all times. This nature causes the child to believe that it did something wrong – something that caused the mother has another child and replace him. ‘Did they have another child because they hate me’?
And this is where it begins – the child’s traumatised ego is now perceived to be unloveable.
There will never be a point in your life that you’ll be able to pinpoint precisely ‘what is missing’ – because there isn’t anything. It is the ego’s selfish core, putting itself at the centre of the universe, which has created a myth.
The mind will say things like – ‘I’m not skinny enough’, ‘I’m ugly’, ‘I’m not smart enough’, ‘I need to do this, I need to do that’. But whatever you do in life, it just doesn’t hit the spot. Nothing brings back that sense of wholeness. And to make it worse, everything you do to try and ‘feel enough’ takes you deeper into despair as you feel more and more hopeless with every effort wasted in vain.
‘When I have my own family, then I’ll be whole’… ‘When I become a success, then I’ll be happy’…
This is an inability to love and be loved.
This could be what propels people onto the spiritual path – the suffering. Perhaps this is even in our coding, and the ‘split’ is purposeful to drive us towards higher levels of being.
What you are seeking is Self-knowledge – the realisation of your true essence.
Before the ego structure, it was there, shining in all of its glory. Thoughts and emotions arise, which create that sense of ‘not being enough’. Being still, quietening the narcissistic egoic tendencies of unruliness, is what cracks this open and allows the light of love to shine again. There is nothing you can do in a sense. Only stillness and silence reveals this magic.
This is Love from source, and the only Real Love.
And this is why the path less travelled, your journey back home, is the only path worth taking. Once you arrive at love’s infinite nature, you can share that infinity with the rest of the world.